Captain's Log

Big Macked, 1/4 Pounded w/ Cheez (Super Size Remix)

2009-01-15T18:39:00.000-08:00

Father Maynardo, let me rip this shit.

Ayo, third eye blind realize...
This ya boy Carve gettin' dopehomo up in this Denny's warehouse.
Breakfast Slammer on my plate
Chiseldoggin' beer_and_nascar, not feelin' all that str8.
Got a dick in my ass (got it?)
Playin' tag with vaginas (eww, not It)
Pepsi Cola in my front hole go down real slow
Make its way 2 the back, comes out my asshole
Post in your thread - They call me Attn Whore
Post my own thread - Ruin the Msg Board
Two years back Lotze stole my thunder
Yo, playin' with u dudes gives me stiff lumber ( just playing hah ahaha)
But 4 real... only Panda Express got my number.

No recourse. Peace out while I fire up this James Blunt.

Non Compos Mentis

2008-07-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

Lazer beams, Pyoo Pyoo
Zero-G; mayonnaise asshole
My dome is set to God Mode
Headshots and Haxxorz
Horsecops(neigh) and freakin' flowers(blue)
I want to cream Mandy Moore's
underdeveloped clone(pwnd) and
I've got a rock hard bone
for Kelly Clarkson.
(Shoutout to the pretty ladies in Quacky's trunk and basement)
Mindfreak: Activate

Transmission from Dr. Sam Neill:

2008-07-16T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'm trapped in el freakin' Mouth O' Madness and I can't get a goddamned signal. HALP.

Das Frikken Delicatessen

2008-07-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Major Lieutenant Danimal raided the Dunkaroos locker along with the remainder of the stimpacks.

P.S. We require more minerals.

P.P.S. We require more Vespene gas.

P.P.P.S HALP.

Event Verizon

2008-07-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

"Where we're going, we won't need four bars for long distance calls."

Danger, Danger, Stranger

2008-07-02T17:00:00.000-07:00

The wheelchairs in Fitness Room 3-G have been armed with small munitions. Robot Legs Larry is elated. Dismantle at once.

Notice:

2008-07-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

Hologram Man Dan is clogged in the posterior. Holographic suppositories are in the Medlab if needed.

Back In Action With a Slight Compaction

2008-06-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

Toiletries and amenities are being rationed due to a thieving of Cargo Hold-A. Suspects include a man that goes by the alias of LoadedDiaper.

Malthusian Malfunction

2008-06-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

That will be all.
That will bæll.
That'll be all.
Tht'l be u'll.
T'll beu'll
At'll b'll.

HALP

2008-06-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

Difficulty rotating the solar panels. Twelve mechanics confirmed to be orbiting the hull; several others are lost, naked, or floating around the hyperdrive exhaust.

R.I.P.

2008-06-19T16:01:00.000-07:00

A gang of disgruntled physicists filled Lt. Baker's IV bag with Lambda particles and strangelets.

Update Redux

2008-06-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

Both the hot tub and sauna in Engineering Bay-A are filled to the brim with men.

Update:

2008-06-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

The medics in Sick Bay would like a new toilet.

10,000 Prayers

2008-06-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

Reverend Maynard is holding a prayer service in the mess hall at 4:20.

The Crabs

2008-06-15T14:55:00.000-07:00

Commander Krab Mann has crabs, needs crab powder.

Addendum - The Red Lobster in Feeding Court C will not be serving crustacean.

ATTN: DAVECAT

2008-06-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

Attention all staff members on Deck 12-b; we've got real dolls.

Ship Takeoff 2021 A.D.

2008-06-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

Ship is taking off. We are having fun.