Back In Action With a Slight Compaction

Toiletries and amenities are being rationed due to a thieving of Cargo Hold-A. Suspects include a man that goes by the alias of LoadedDiaper.

Malthusian Malfunction

That will be all.
That will bæll.
That'll be all.
Tht'l be u'll.
T'll beu'll
At'll b'll.

More Problems.

Several deaths as a result of septic tank explosion.

Victims include the entirety of the Vinyl Collector's Club, and half of the resident Macbook users.

HALP

Difficulty rotating the solar panels. Twelve mechanics confirmed to be orbiting the hull; several others are lost, naked, or floating around the hyperdrive exhaust.

R.I.P.

A gang of disgruntled physicists filled Lt. Baker's IV bag with Lambda particles and strangelets.

Update Redux

Both the hot tub and sauna in Engineering Bay-A are filled to the brim with men.

Update:

The medics in Sick Bay would like a new toilet.

10,000 Prayers

Reverend Maynard is holding a prayer service in the mess hall at 4:20.

The Crabs

Commander Krab Mann has crabs, needs crab powder.

Addendum - The Red Lobster in Feeding Court C will not be serving crustacean.

ATTN: DAVECAT

Attention all staff members on Deck 12-b; we've got real dolls.

Ship Takeoff 2021 A.D.

Ship is taking off. We are having fun.